Fat, sick, and really scared

After my trip to the Ultrasound department, for a wee look at my Liver, the consultant told me that, just from a cursory look, there is definitely a good bit of fat around my organs. I came away from the appointment thinking I should look at changing my diet, the think is I very quickly put it from my mind and filed it under tasks for tomorrow.

Well it's almost a week since this happened, and I've been on a bit of a food bender. You don't need details, but in one week I've spent in takeouts about the same amount as I should spend on three weeks groceries.

If I'm being honest and open with myself, I'm actually really scared of what my future holds for me. I've looked online about fatty liver, and if unchecked it basically ends up like sclerosis of the liver, you know the thing that KILLS alcoholics. 

I think in a lot of ways I am like an alcoholic, but with food. I don't eat for pleasure, but because there is an evil little voice inside telling me to fail and that I'm worthless, so I may as well destroy myself. 

I'm off work tomorrow, so I better sit and take a long hard look at what I need to do to turn myself arround. Now this isn't me putting it back on my tomorrow list that I mentioned above. This is me putting it on my "its after 11pm and I'm not thinking clearly enough to focus properly, so I'm going to bed and making a fresh start in the morning" list. 

Night chums, tomorrow is a new day. 

Seems there's something up with my liver

As I'm thirty-nine, I thought it would be prudent to get a bit of an MOT. With this in mind I asked my doctor for a blood test to check my whatever it is they check in blood.
The result shows slightly raised levels in my liver enzymes. The Doctor is unable to tell me at the moment what is causing this. It could be a virus or infection, some disease or other, or a fatty liver.
She assures me I have nothing to worry about. I would say this fills me with confidence, but that is not even close to the truth. The next course of action is to go for a liver ultrasound next week, and the specialists will see what they see.
In the mean time, I figure I will work on the assumption I have a fatty liver; I'm three to four stone overweight, so it's not to big a leap of faith that this is the problem. Also this is something I can take action to deal with. Cut back on processed food, carbohydrates, red meat, and the food (that I go to for comfort) that I know is not good for my health.
I do love my food, so I need to find ways to turn what I eat, that is bad, into what I eat that is good.