It's time to end the insanity

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

Anti depressants are not a magic cure for depression. They are there to help level a person off, so that he or she can clear the mind and look at the problems that seem so large when in the throws of darkness. But what if we keep repeating things over and over again, what if rather than face the problems we continue to do the same things that lead us down the path to that same dark dead end?

I think I've always had a melancholic soul, my humour can be dark and menacing at times, even cruel. It's probably because misery loves company. Also I tend to ignore problems that arise, I either reason that tomorrow I will have a clearer head and can deal with things then, or I simply hide and hope the problem will magically disappear, well that just makes the problems bigger and before you know it, you are curled up in a ball wondering why the world is trying to crush you. 

What has putting things off done for me?

I spent years in a marriage, that for both our sakes should have ended years before it did.

I am morbidly obese, and my health is suffering more and more each day. 

 

I have debts that would frighten some if the smaller African nations. 

This lead to my business failing,

And my being homeless for two years. 

And I am letting down my best friend, by distancing myself from her. 

I have very little to show for the thirty nine years I have been on this planet, except for my debt, my depression, and my forty eight inch waistline. 

Last night I hit an emotional low that I  realise tablets alone will not fix. It is time to stop doing the same things over and over again. If I want change I have to start today!

Blogs and a line in pithy catchphrases is not enough to fix life's problems. I have to actually get off my backside and deal with my problems. I have to accept that there may well be fall out from what my next actions involve. But I think it is probably better to live with the consequences of positive actions, than to live with the consequences of negative actions. 

Last quote for now,

"Fear is the mind killer." Dune, Frank Herbert. 

I live in fear of what will happen if I do something new, but if I don't change it will kill me.